Lets face it, every time someone dares utter the name, “Insane Clown Posse” you are suddenly overcome with a deep sense of horrific dread and a resounding amount of disgust. Your eyes dilate, you begin to sweat and you manage your way through several bouts of nausea. It’s sad to say that they are just that bad and if none of these things sound familiar, please take a moment to look around your trailer park abode and realize why.
When all is said and done, Insane Clown Posse is to music what Lady Gaga is to fashion. The connection doesn’t really exist but you are always going to find a group of people who think it does. Typically we call these people delusional, though in this case they prefer to think of themselves as Juggalos or Juggalettes as the case may be.
What are Juggalos? Well, I’m glad you asked. Juggalo is the moniker given to fans who have an undying loyalty to ICP. Nothing can waver them. They are willing to fight at the drop of a hat with anyone over anything and especially those who don’t like their beloved “band”. To them they are a family, and while that family might be a trailer park collective of dirty unwashables they still feel it is worth fighting for, because being an adult wasn’t worth the effort.
I’ve included a picture of what an average Juggalo looks like. Fat girlfriend not included. Notice the general unkempt appearance, the missing dignity and most important of all the lack of purpose he portrays. This is where you end up when life gives up on you.
Well it just so happens that a bunch of these delusionals recently gathered together in Grand Rapids to witness the abortion that is their live show.
Wait, you mean they are still making music?
Unfortunately enough. They are.
While usually out of the eye of the public, Insane Clown Posse recently gained national exposure when they released their single, “Miracles”. Not because it was good, no.. quite the opposite. Because it was that bad. In fact the only reason this song got any attention was because of offensively stupid lyrical content.
I see miracles all around me
Stop and look around, it’s all astounding
Water, fire, air and dirt
Fucking magnets, how do they work?
And I don’t wanna talk to a scientist
Y’all motherfuckers lying, and getting me pissed
Based on this alone we know two things.
1. ICP was doing Rebecca Black before Rebecca Black was.
This song became so popular that Saturday Night Live made a parody of it. At the height of their popularity they were nothing more than a good joke and an internet meme.
So to summarize. Yes, they are still around and Yes, they are just as awful as ever.
As surprising as it was to find that out, It was even more surprising when a friend of mine asked me to attend this concert with him. I wouldn’t have to pay for a thing, It was his treat. I was taken aback, I mean I was sure I had picked better friends than this. I couldn’t go to that show. I had class, I had dignity, and most important of all… I had taste. So I did what any logical intelligent person in my situation would do. I said, “No”.
The fact is you won’t find any high class, well educated, intelligent people listening to Insane Clown Posse and not to blow my own biscuits all over this article but I am all of those things.
I knew I wasn’t the only one who felt this way either, so it was no surprise to hear local radio station WGRD. categorizing Juggalos as non productive members of society.
You can find many’o'Juggalos willing to debate this, Juggalos who say they know a Juggalo that knows a Juggalo that once knew a Juggalo that was productive member of society but in reality were just low wage Mc Donalds employees. Productive at making burgers, popping their zits into the fry grease and not much else.
While their mothers have long given up hope and replaced those who used to be their children with bottles of booze and pills, you can be sure Society still has a place for them. Right at the bottom.
I’m sure to have stepped on many clown shoes in this article and if I have upset you in any way please send all violent and threatening hate mail to hatemail [at] citysatirical [dot] com. I will be sure not to read them any of them and if by chance you hate ICP as much as I do be sure to check out Juggalo Holocaust.